Tom Brady has a deal for you…but snacks are not included


(Tom Brady photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

Tom Brady gets most things right, but when he tweeted out an endorsement this week for his new book, “The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance,’’  it may have been the most off-the-mark pitch he’s thrown this season.

Brady wrote: “So for anyone who’s ever wondered why I feel better today than when I was 25, I’ve got something for you. Whether you’re a high school, college, or pro athlete, a coach, a farmer, an executive, a teacher, a doctor, a student, a parent, a graphic designer, ANYONE.”

Athletes? Probably. Executives? Maybe. But a farmer? I think not.

At least not if you’re a farmer who grows tomatoes. Or mushrooms. Or eggplant. Or peppers. According to TB12, all those items are verboten if you aspire to be like Tom.

Tom claims tomatoes are out because they cause inflammation, which makes recovery more difficult and can cause all manner of debilitating problems down the line and thus prevent you from feeling better today than when you were at 25, even if you’ve been plowing fields, baling hay and harvesting tomatoes the past 15 years. One has to wonder about that because according to modern science, tomatoes are one of the richest sources of lycopene, an antioxidant that efficiently reduces levels of inflammation.

Maybe just not in Tom?

Brady must be on to something, though, because at 40 he is playing quarterback at the moment like 40 is the new 30. Last Sunday, he passed for 447 yards, although passing for 447 yards against the Saints isn’t like doing it against an NFL defense. Still, it was the highest passing yardage accumulated by a quarterback 40 or older in NFL history.

That performance has him named AFC Offensive Player of the Week for the 29th time, passing the previous record set by Peyton Manning. Considering the rings and things he has, being named Player of the Week is pretty far down the food chain of achievement. It’s probably below tomatoes to tell you the truth. But nobody else has done it, which is becoming something familiar with Brady.

Two weeks does not a season make, but thus far Brady has passed for 714 yards. At that pace he’ll throw for 5,712 yards this season. Guess what? Nobody’s ever done that, either.

If he leads the NFL in passing yardage he’ll become the oldest quarterback in history to do that, too. The present record holder is a young whipper snapper by comparison, then 38-year-old Fran Tarkenton. Fran ate tomatoes and did all right, but think of the possibilities if he knew what Brady knows.

Basically, the TB12 Method could have been written by Ponce De Leon, the Spanish explorer who rammed into what is now Florida looking for the Fountain of Youth. Isn’t everybody in Florida looking for that? Or at least everyone in Palm Beach County?

Legend has it Native American Floridians, not wanting to give up their beachfront property to the Spanish crown, told Ponce De Leon the fountain was in Bimini. Off he went, before finally ending up in Puerto Rico. Whatever he found didn’t work as well for him as things have for Brady. Old Ponce died at 47 in Havana after catching a poisoned arrow in the thigh.

No amount of TB12 plyometrics could reverse.

Tom’s book says pliability, diet, rest and drinking enough water to fill Lake Tahoe every day will put you on your way to a life unlike any you’ve ever known. Maybe he’s right. Maybe if you shell out the $30 for “The TB12 Method’’ you’ll become as pliable as Gumby. Truth is, being pliable in life is a good idea. Keeps you from getting tied up in knots.

Despite three workouts a day, getting to bed at 8:30, watching more film than Scorsese, hydrating like he lives in the Gobi Desert and fixating on football and what he eats, TB12 found time to sit down and get interviewed about his lifestyle with CBS’ Norah O’Donnell. Around New England, unsubstantiated speculation of late has suggested perhaps Brady is thinking of retiring after this season despite his public proclamations that he wants to play at least until he’s 45, if not 95, so Norah put the question to him. Brady’s dimple winked at her and then he said, “No. No.’’

There’s only one hang-up with the whole TB12 Method. You must be paid like TB12 to afford it.

You need the $200 cookbook and nutritional manual. You need a supply of handcrafted workout bans. And then there’s the $50 box of TB12 authorized snacks.

The what?

Those must be some snacks. And not a Twizzler or bag of Skittles to be found.

If that’s a little steep, you can buy 12 (naturally) TB12 snack bars for forty bucks or a bottle of electrolytes for only $15. Must be a big bottle. No wonder the guy could afford to donate $100,000 to J.J. Watt’s hurricane relief fund in Houston.

Tom Brady is obviously doing something right, even if the cost is pretty steep. He’s only suffered one significant injury in 17 seasons, the blown=out knee that cost him 15 games in 2008. Other than that he’s started every game he’s been eligible to play since 2001.

That’s 230 starts.

If he continues playing this year at anywhere near his present rate he’ll pass the only other 40-year-old quarterback to throw for 4,000 yards or more in a season. Of course, when you look up who that was and find it was grizzly old Brett Favre, who passed for 4,202 yards in 2009 at the age of 40, it makes you reconsider the whole anti-tomato movement and $50 snack box.

You think Brett Favre was eating $50 snacks? Any chance he was maybe eating a few things more dangerous to your health than eggplant and drinking a lake of something other than water daily?

So which way do you want to go? Grab TB12’s $200 nutritional manual or QB4’s BBQ-Bible for $11.95?

Pass the barbeque sauce, please.

 

 

 

 

 

Previous Next special-teamer a best bet for Canton? Vinatieri
Next Thirty years ago this week, a 24-day NFL strike began that made some heroes and zeros

No Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.